- I see this quote often and in many places:
- "If you can't handle me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best."
- Really? I mean, we all have bad days. We all have times that we need comfort or calming, or just room to vent and decompress. But does someone I love deserve to become the bucket into which I vent my spleen? Just because I'm having a bad day does that mean they get to bear the brunt of my anger, self loathing and bitterness? Does it mean they MUST endure me at my worst just to prove they love me?
- This is passive agressive twaddle at its worst. Those I love, be they family or friends, lovers, owners, or co-workers, deserve my care and respect even at MY worst moments. They have nothing to prove. They love me and support me. They encourage me at my best, they call me out on my worst behavior. They stand behind me when I'm right and stand up to me when I am wrong. They deserve the best I can possibly be at all times--not just when I feel like it. And they have earned the right to show me how to pull myself up by my bootstraps when I'm lost.
- Think about that the next time you want to lash out at someone who doesn't deserve your anger--just because they're there.
Susan: Can you hammer a six inch spike through a board with your penis?
Chris Knight: Not right now.
Susan: A girl has to have her standards.
~ Real Genius
Yes, a girl must have her standards, and this girl does. This girl is also the sole-arbiter of her standards. This means if you don’t measure up no amount of “ask any of my ex wives/girlfriends/coworkers/sex partners/hookers/call girls/random strangers” will make me reconsider. If I say ‘thank you, but no thank you’, I have my reasons and my standards for my decision and those are good enough for me.
What brings up this outburst is a sudden plethora of emails on a few sites where I keep fairly benign profiles. I’m not on the hunt or the prowl—not in an active way. If quality crosses my path I will explore. I’m never one to turn down quality. I define quality as someone who has:
- Hedonistic tones
- A love for food, music, laughter, animals, friends
- An absence of arrogance, assumption and over-weaning ego
- Someone who isn’t afraid of an independent woman who does not want or need some white knight riding to her rescue.
- Someone who does not need me to become their entire reason for living and breathing.
- Someone who is going to treat me with respect but not put me up on a pedestal and worship me from afar, being a goddess is fucking tedious—trust me.
Recently someone with the nickname “Stallion” (and a couple of random numbers after it) emailed me. The subject line said “Seduction!” (mildly attention grabbing in my book.) The body of the email was a complete yawner:
Wow, you look interesting! Please take a moment to review my post (and fantasy) to see if there’s chemistry.
I’m attached and seeking passion -real passion - with a woman like you. I’d love to hear from you…
So his profile and his fantasy are pretty tame. He insists that as a woman I have not experienced seduction until I experience it at his hands. The profile and the fantasy are at least spelled correctly and so after a few minutes thought I decide to answer it with some comments of what “I” want. Not exactly a ‘swapping of fantasies’ I don’t do that typically. But, what I came up with is a list I think I can use and reuse later on. It’s earthy language so read it at the risk of your virgin eyes!
I’m looking for:
A man who is not embarrassed when a woman can be both classy and brazen in public.
A man who will ask for a booth rather than a table, sit beside me with one hand under the table, between my thighs, teasing my pussy while his other hand feeds me bites from his plate and my hands likewise caress and roam his hard-on; not someone who will sit across the table and bore me to tears with stats on the March madness games.
A man who will open the car door for me like a gentleman, but who will also press me up against the car, letting me know his desire, tease my body and kiss the back of my neck, *just* before being that gentleman and helping me into my seat.
A man who finds spontaneous gestures erotic, who finds the every day erotic, who knows the best spot high in the hills to view the dazzling lights of the city at night while allowing me the pleasures of guzzling his cock in my eager mouth or allowing me to share the view as he leans my hips against the car and slides into me from behind for a long slow fuck in the cool night.
A man who understands that I am a sensation slut—not a pain slut. I am tactile, earthy, and I love an entire range of touch from subtle to vigorous.
A man who will take the time to discover all my hot spots and then use that knowledge to drive me insane with pleasure again and again.
A man who isn’t afraid or or intimidated by my toy bag.
A man who realizes just because a woman is a seductive nympho doesn’t mean she is a whore, and that it doesn’t mean that she does not deserve his respect at every moment.
A man who realizes that when a woman feels sexy, admired, respected, seduced, and safe there is NO part of her body that is off limits to him.
Are you that man?
What I got back was an enthusiastic ‘YES! YES! YES!’ and then a rambling, not-spell-checked group of words about pummeling me with his battering ram.
Oh what subtlety, what range of sensation! Ohhh ah… I told him he’d rather missed my point on that part and stressed again the part of me that seeks dynamics, a crescendo from pianissimo to fortissimo. He wrote back, pissed off, and called me a wrinkled, frigid bitch. I’m too demanding no wonder I never get laid!
1…2…3… (uncontrollable laughter).
I’m so mean, I intruded upon his careful fantasy creation of himself as white-knight with a lance and a battering ram knocking down my castle gates and violating my moat. In doing so, I negated his ardor, bruised his ego and as such his arrogance and assumptions come to the fore.
Of course I wasn’t trying to destroy anything. I was simply saying what *I* want. And I’m sorry but what is wrong with that?
Another email I got yesterday had the subject line “Let’s meet for hard nasty sex”
The body contained one line: “we both know why we’re on this site. why not take a thick cock into your life?”
I wrote back and said “Why not? Because I believe in quality not quantity. I’m a poly woman with three gifted lovers. If I wanted an asshole, I’d ask for one.”
Again the arrogance and the assumption is what set me off. Normally I do NOT snark off like that. I simply delete the email and move on, but yesterday I was in A.MOOD. He never wrote back.
These are two examples of two guys who will never get it. They will never get me, and consequently they will never get it from me. :)