Words to the Wyse

About 5 years ago, my co-worker’s band was playing at Blake’s in Berkeley. Blake’s is a local club famous for having name acts drop in unannounced since the club opened in ‘71: Greg Almond, Jeff Beck, Bob Weir, and others. Now days it still gets some emerging acts just before they make that transition from clubs to arenas like Green Day and the GooGoo Dolls. Let’s just say, Blake’s has been and remains an institution even as Telegraph avenue evolves and devolves around it.

So, on a pretty March night, I am getting ready to go hear my new employee’s punk band. According to my notes the show starts at 8:30 and they’re the opening act. I figure, I’ll get there at 8, catch them during warm up to say hi, and then just sit back and watch the show.

So I arrived just before 8pm to find…no one was downstairs where the bands perform. No big deal, I figure I got the time wrong. I wander around a bit. It’s been a while since I’ve been to Blake’s. I take a look at the fliers for up coming shows. I watch as they unpack the bar downstairs and get it set up. Finally I sit down at one of the tiny, round cocktail tables and relax.

Not long after, this tall guy in a jean jacket comes staggering down the stairs. I can smell him from where I sit. A combination of cigarettes, alcohol and sweat. He staggers over and sits down right next to me. (Naturally). He smacks a pack of Marlboros on the table. “Here!”

“Thanks, but I don’t smoke.”

“Wow, I bet you have all sorts of good habits.” I think that’s what he said. He weaved back and forth with his heads and his hands, obviously drunk, and he mumbled. I have a high tolerance for eccentrics but I can tell this guy is going to be annoying pretty fast. We have a disjointed conversation in which he waxes exotic about the time he heard Hendrix play here.

“Interesting, since Larry didn’t open Blake’s until after Jimi died,” I reply.

“Oh, so you’re a local girl? I’m from Tennessee.” (that figures).

I’m only responding to half of what he says—mostly the half of what I can actually understand. At least 3 times he says “What is the most beautiful girl in Berkeley doing here alone?”

Finally after the third time, I smacked my palm down flat and said “I just gave the drummer a blow job and I’m waiting for the guitarist.”

He smacked his palm down in imitation of mine and said “Me too!”

I’m about to go ballistic at this point, when I see a male co-worker coming down the stairs. I launch myself at him in a way that is a far more intimate embrace then required and hiss “GET ME OUT OF HERE!”

Co-worker glances over my shoulder to the guy at the table and understands immediately. He takes me over to the bar and we sit, heads together over a drink until the band shows up and a few more co workers. Eventually the other guy staggers off.

“me too,” If he’s waiting to give the guitarist a blow job, he really doesn’t need to be hitting on me. Sheesh.

They never really listen.

In Second Life, we brought my sister’s dream of a submissives’ newsletter to life. This was my first column for it.

A View From Below

A regular column from Minerva

Oh goody! I get a column! I love columns. I love the dread of ‘what am I going to say?’ I love the inches as they accumulate. I love that I can say what is in my mind and my heart. I love that a column allows me to write with a much more human tone on intimate nature as it pertains to D/s.

I welcome feedback and dialog from anyone and will probably make use of questions and comments to further explore concepts here in column inches as we move forward. Just drop a note card on my profile at anytime ~ Minerva Naverre

What Color is your D/s?

What color is your sky? What form does your submission take? What is its outward appearance? What is its internal manifestation? And how do you know if you’re doing it “right?”

I was sat upon the hearth in the great hall of the Castle one evening. There were a few folks there and we were talking, as we so often do. A visiting dominant arrived, greetings were exchanged all round, and he sat upon one of the sofas.  After a few moments of observing the room he said:

“Is that a new form of kneeling I am unaware of?”

While he didn’t call me out by name, I knew that was directed toward me. I was sat with my legs curled to one side. I was the only sub not using nadu, or bracelets, or even tower. I realized once again that I am often the only one sitting ‘odd’. I smiled up at Him and said that my Master and I do not rely on or always observe a set form. If He tells me to assume a specific pose for a specific purpose, I do so, without question or argument. I usually know when He expects such a thing from me and I usually know when I’m free to do as I wish, so long as I am respectful of my position and His.

“My girl would never have dreamed of such informality.”

He spoke for several minutes about his former sub. She served him for two or three years. His admiration and his love for her, and for the internal and external form of her submission, were obvious. It was also very clear that he missed her, she is no longer in world and he is now a Master without a girl.

I did not feel I was being corrected or rebuked. Instead, I think he was surprised and curious that I was not a ‘classic submissive’; one who positions, speaks, or acts in a traditional way. I do not practice common Forms in order to announce to others who and what I am. This does not mean I hide; I do not. I am not ashamed of who and what I am. I am proudly a submissive woman. But it runs far deeper in me than a simple position on my knees and always has.

Whether one has experience in Dominance and Submission, or BDSM, outside of Second Life or not, it is easy to fall into a narrow mindset of “THIS is how it’s done.” I am of the firm belief that D/s is a symbiotic relationship. It transforms and solidifies over time between the Dominant and the submissive. The outward and inward form of the relationship grows up between them and around them like a vine. That form—external and internal—is not always visible to the casual observer, or even close friends, but it makes that form no less essential to the D/s pair.

When I am asked by a new sub if they’re doing something ‘right’, my response is: “Does your Dominant have a preferred way for you to do that? If not, then what way feels most RIGHT to you?”   That confuses a lot of people. Many human beings crave structure; most submissives NEED structure. They need restrictions in order to feel comfortable, to feel safe, to feel they understand the world around them and what is expected of them.

Many new submissives will watch those around them and emulate form, pattern, behavior and speech until they feel they have enough knowledge to make a choice, or enough directive from their Dominant to understand what is expected from them. This works so long as you know those around you well enough to know if you are emulating a good example or a bad example.

I am no different in that need within my own desire to submit. I crave structure, I am eager to please. I want to do things in a way which will make Him smile and earn me that ‘good girl’ which makes my heart melt. So, I understand the earnest importance behind the question: How do I do this?

1.  Look to your Dominant for their preference. Be guided by them in that preference and follow their wishes whether they are there with you or not.
2.  In absence of a stated preference, (or absence of a dominant if a sub is un-collared) look to yourself for what feels honest and right within you. If this makes you nervous or even less sure, bring it up with your Dominant the next time you sit with them. They will be happy to guide you.
3.  Lastly, if you are part of a larger community, like Sisters of the Thorne, is there a community standard or protocol that can help guide you and give you the structure you need? If not, refer back to #2.

And remember…there really is no ‘right way’ and no ‘wrong way’ other than the three steps above. Never be afraid to be think, to act, to learn, and to correct—if needed. This is how one grows into oneself as a human being and as a submissive.

i’ll send you a naughty submission if you set up a button :)

Well, I would, but apparently I can’t, and after 2 hours of struggling with the LION install I’m too braindead to work out why. So the ask button is all we get.